To Whom it May Concern,
Alright, people, everyone needs to settle down. I mean it: settle down! I'm going to come when I'm good and ready. I'm very comfortable right now, and I don't see what the big rush is. In fact, come to think of it, I'm going to be messing up your precious little schedules quite a bit, so you might as well get used to it. Crying all night, pooping my pants, barfing on your shirt, peeing on you while you're changing my diaper (if I'm a boy, that is)--you are all going to be longing for the quiet days before my arrival. So just take a deep breath. After all, I'm only a few days "late" anyway. Right now I'm very happy to pucnch my mom's stomach and smash my head against her bladder. When that gets boring, I'll check my schedule and if I don't have an appointment to kick her stomach acids up into her esophagus, then maybe we can work something out.
Alright then. I'm glad we've had this little talk. See you soon,
The Baby (c/o Andy)
3 comments:
gosh, you weren't referring to me new baby, were you?
Andy: Induce labor immediately. Beth is losing it. Chicken parm will do the job.
Wait, my apologies. Andy wrote that? Beth I am so sorry. Leave him while you can.
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